


More Than Enough

by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, Sexual Confusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-11
Updated: 2013-01-11
Packaged: 2017-11-25 03:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Usually Sirius just put up with listening to the person he's always loved moon over someone else, but not today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than Enough

Usually, moments like this passed without comment.

Sitting under a tree at the edge of the Forbidden forest, Remus refusing to listen as he buried his nose deeper into _Hogwarts A History_ , Peter having fallen asleep with his jacket pulled up around ears hours ago leaving only Sirius conscious to listen to James’s bitching about Lily.

“I mean, what else I am supposed to do?”  He groaned, pushing his glasses a little higher up his noise.  “I’m captain of the Quidditch team, I’m getting good marks in my classes, I’m staying out of trouble – bloody hell, I’m not bothering Snivilous for her and she acts like I don’t exist!  Won’t even look at me half the time Padfoot, what do I do?”

“Look mate, I don’t know.”  He was trying, he really was.  He wanted to be a good friend, even though he’d heard this all a thousand times before, Sirius was still trying to listen.  Even though he was tired of listening – even though it made his heart hurt more than he cared to say. 

“Merlin, it’s like you don’t even care that this is ripping me to pieces.”

As Sirius’s spine straightened dangerous straight, Remus setting his book aside and reaching for Padfoot’s hand, but she shook his head.  Standing up he gave Remus a watery smile, taking a deep breath as James watched him, anger in his eyes even when Sirius finally turned and showed him all the pain he’d been hiding. 

“Can’t I be enough for you?  Why does it have to be her?”  Sirius asked, his voice low and pained.  James blinked at him, glancing over at Mooney who betrayed nothing, his own eyes downcast at his hands useless in his lap.  “I’ve sat by for years and listened to you coo over her, trying to ignore how miserable it made me feel.  I didn’t understand for a long time, hell, for a while I thought I was jealous, that I wanted Evans for myself.  But if anything, I’m jealous of the attention you give her when I’d give anything for you to look at me just once the way you look at her.”

James didn’t say anything as Sirius headed off back towards the castle, Remus gathering up his things to go after him.  Peter jerked awake at Prongs’ sudden loud curse, looking around him in confusion.

“You alright James?  You look a little pale.”  Peter asked as he rubbed his eyes, yawning. 

“I think I need to be alone to think for a while Wormtail.”  He said, standing slowly.  More than anything, he didn’t want Peter to see him cry.  “I have a lot to work out, starting with my priorities.”

Later that evening as Remus was sitting in the common room by the fire, Sirius dropped into a chair next to him, his eyes rimmed red with tears.  Reaching under his chair Remus pulled out a plate of food he’d snuck down to the kitchens to get when Padfoot had opted to stay in the hospital wing with a ‘dreadful head cold’ instead of coming to dinner.  Sirius took it gratefully, smiling at Remus when he looked up from his homework. 

After Sirius finished eating Remus put his book down, something Padfoot recognized as a solemn, important motion from his friend.  It usually precluded bad news. 

“Did James come to visit you today?  No one’s seen him since… well, you know.”  Remus asked, his voice carefully measured. 

“No, but I bet I know where he’ll be.”  Sirius sighed, setting down his plate.  Remus caught his wrist as he passed, his eyes worried.  “Don’t lecture me Mooney, I know.  He’s a spoiled child and I’m only making it worse by going to find him and tell him it’s not his fault.” 

“Actually, I was going to tell you you’re a better friend than he deserves.”  Mooney grinned, letting go of his writs.  Sirius grinned at him, ruffling his hair affectionately before heading out of the common room and off down the corridor towards the front door.  It was still early enough that no one tried to stop him as he made his way out onto the grounds, ducking behind a tree to shift into the form of a big black dog, tottering off down the lawns towards the Quidditch pitch.

Sure enough, James was laying eyes closed just outside the stadium doors in human form, one hand pressed to the gate as the other clutched something to his chest that Sirius couldn’t see.  As he approached James opened his eyes, smiling softly as the dog approached.  Sitting up he let go of the gate and shoved whatever he was holding into his pocket, reaching a hand out for Sirius who nudged it with his nose briefly before shifting back into human form.  James kept his hand in Padfoot’s hair, a sad expression on his face.

_“I’m sorry about earlier.”  “Look, I’m sorry.”_

They blinked, both of them grinning sheepishly.

“You go first.”  Sirius said, ducking his eyes.  He wasn’t sure quite what he expected, but it was anything, everything, except the feeling of James’s hands tugging his face to his, his lips gentle as they pressed a chaste kiss to his own.  “Um…”

“I’m sorry I’m an idiot, that I didn’t realize I was hurting you.  I was so wrapped up in casing Lily that I never stopped to wonder why I did it when it never brought me any happiness at all, not even those rare moments when she was kind to me or actually paid attention.”  James said in a rush, his face going red as Sirius continued to stare at him.  “Look, this is confusing to me.  I thought I really loved her, but I guess… well, love shouldn’t make you miserable, you know?  You’re the only thing that’s never made me miserable.”

“Well that’s a glowing recommendation for our friendship.”  Sirius blustered out before he could stop himself, groaning and clapping a hand to his face when James looked away.  “Sorry, I just… what exactly are you saying Prongs?”

“That I love you.  And that I’m a git, and I’m sorry for putting you through hell while I figured myself out.”  James said, threading his fingers through his friend’s hair pressing his forehead gently against Sirius’s as he started to cry.  “I just hope I’m not too late.”

“I would have waited forever for you if I had to, you sod.”  Sirius grinned, kissing away the tears clinging to James’s eyelashes as he pulled back.  “Are you sure you want me though?”

“It’s only ever been you, I just didn’t realize it.  I can live without Lily, or my parents, or anyone else.  I could never live without you by my side, mate.”  James said, pulling what he’d been holding before out of his pocket. Sirius’s breath caught in his throat as he took it, a dazed smile on his face.  “Do you remember this?”

“It’s that damn goblet I tried to turn into a rabbit, isn’t it?”  Sirius laughed, rolling the small amulet over in his hands.  Stuck somewhere in between, it resembled a pewter chess piece of a rabbit more than anything else, with jewel bright eyes and a missing tail.  “I always was bullocks at Transfigurations.  You’ve kept this since First Year?” 

“Of course I did.  Had every intention of presenting it to you on the last day of our Seventh year, but I figured you’d understand if I gave it to you now instead.”  James smiled, opening his arms.  Sirius fell into them gratefully, burrowing his face into the crook of James’s neck as he stroked his hair.  “You’ve always been more than enough for me, Padfoot.”

“Love you too, Prongs.”


End file.
